Ask Alma: Leaving Husband

by Alma Gill
via George Curry Media 

"Hi Alma,

I'm divorcing my husband of 24 years (The ink is just about dry). We have been apart for 
the last three years. I'm new to dating again. I've been with my new guy for two years. 
We met on eHarmony. He's amazing inside & out and I love him. I'm 47. My guy is 46. 
He is divorced. He has been divorced for 2.5 years. He was apart from his ex for three 
years before the divorce was final. So he's been single for 5.5 years. I believe in marriage 
and I do want to get married again.  How long should I date him?

What's enough time to give a man to pop the question? 
Elizabeth"
 

AA: Hi EB,

Not quite set free! Until the ink dries, you're still legally married, pretty woman. TBT you 
have yet to join the squad of single sisterhood and trust me when I say, there are huge 
differences between each stage of marriage, separation and divorce. Each phase has its 
own umbrella of uncertainties.

Like me, you married young. You've spent a large part of your life with one fella, 
exercising the commonality of compromise. This explains your comfort in cohabitation, 
longing for togetherness, and an extended view for two. Ain't nothing wrong
with that - but wait, for goodness sake, and let's pull up for a minute to reevaluate.

What if you take more time to center and focus on you? Figure out your likes and dislikes 
independently, without the consideration of another. Have you taken a vacation alone? 
Sign up for a class you've always wanted to try or learn a new language. Use this time to 
be good to yourself. Your first marriage ended in divorce, that doesn't mean you're 
lacking, unlovable or incomplete.

Ok, you've met a new guy, that's cool. Allow him to come to the conclusion of marriage 
on his own, not meet a demand or ultimatum. I understand it's been two years, but there's 
no set limit to how long a great relationship should last before marriage; that's a personal 
choice.

You and I both know that marriage doesn't make a relationship better nor does it 
complete who you are as a woman. You've had 25 years of practicing to be a good wife, 
live and love yourself unmarried for a few more years to come. You said dating's still 
new to you, and if that's the case, this isn't the time to remarry. If, and, or when that time 
rolls around, you won't need to Ask Alma, you and he will know that you know that you 
know. And oh what a joy it will be.

- Alma

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